Marriage Proposal Through A Friend
While working for the disabled community, I generally come across various real life stories. I have shared one of such case study below, which is very common in our disabled community. To secure the individuals identity, I have changed the names.
Suman is blind and is not working anywhere Being of a marriageable age, her family is worried about her getting married. Once in a casual talk Suman revealed her interest in marriage to her friend with whom she shared a close bond.
A few years later, her friend’s family brought a marriage proposal for her. They told Suman’s parents that the guy is very good, has a lot of self respect but is not financially sound as his luck has never favored him. Her parents and Suman agreed to meet the guy.
Prem along with the friend came to Suman’s house for the first meeting. He was handsome, tall and also of the same caste as Suman. Firstly Suman’s father posed few questions to Prem. He enquired about his family details and their financial condition. Prem answered calmly that he isn’t working anywhere, wishes to start his business or is waiting for a better job opportunity. He has quit a lot of jobs, mainly the reason being lack of growth or sometimes due to discomfort.
Then came the time where both the prospects were asked to interact. They both discussed about their interests and hobbies.
Suman asked Prem “Are you aware about blindness?”
Prem said “No.”
She then told him that how moving anything from its place can cause huge discomfort for her. She has average mobility and uses her white cane to move around. While walking with her life partner she will be carrying her cane & also holding his hand. She told him that people around will have eyes popping out of the sockets. Also they will make him feel that he has ruined his life by marrying to a visually impaired female. Suman also told Prem that while going out for movies she would ask him to describe the visual scenes.
Listening to Suman’s limitations, Prem said “It’s ok for me”. Further during the discussion on job & business opportunities Prem told Suman “To start a business I need Rs. 18 lakhs”. Their conversation ended with Suman telling Prem “If required we can meet again & discuss how can we together earn our living”.
The friend meanwhile spoke to Suman’s parents that they should buy them a house. Help them in setting up the kitchen, provide a servant. Also parents should help the guy to start a business. Friends family even mentioned that Suman will be his lady of luck & he is smart enough to stabilize their financial condition. The meeting ended with Suman’s parents telling Prem to share his feedback and they would do the same.
A couple of days later, the friend shared the somewhat overheard discussion between the prospects to Suman’s sister, “How could the would-be bride talk so many things to the guy? She should have told him all this after they were engaged. After listening to all the adjustments the guy cried a lot. Suman has scared the guy.”
Everyone in Suman’s family felt that she should marry Prem. What’s the harm if he isn’t earning.
Both of them post marriage would work out a solution.
Post this incident, Suman was upset with her life. Even the friends family who were as good as Suman’s extended family, stopped talking with her and had not even wished her on her birthday.
My personal view is that a man who isn’t stable in his professional career, quits without any tangible reasons or securing another job seeks his would be wife to be his lady luck, depends on his in-laws to improve his own life and is ready to marry a disabled lady to achieve all may not be the best choice.
Before arriving at a conclusion they both need to meet couple of time & understand that whether their values, thinking and outlook towards life meet. Without which just agreeing to marry will not lead both of them anywhere.
What would you suggest to Suman & Prem?
1. Should Suman marry the guy?
2. Is it a marriage or a deal?
3. Was the information on blindness shared by Suman was it appropriate?
4. Was it not necessary for the girl to sensitise the guy with the disability prior to any conclusion?
5. Finding solutions post marriage is appropriate or one needs to discuss out the same prior to marriage or even engagement?
6. Is the behavior of the friend in line with the situation?
7. What is the solution to such a situation for a disabled woman?
Your suggestions and guidance will not only help Suman & Prem, but I am sure will help many others in a similar situation.
So take a minute and share your views on the above points.
*Name changed to Suman & Prem